In The Middle, On The Edge

One of those nights when you wish you had something a little stronger than kool-aid

Rejection brings on a sharp sting to the heart that not many other actions can. Whether it be from a crush, a loved one, a friend, or a new found acquaintance, rejection hits the emotional nerve with a force of a semi-truck on the interstate. We all have this drive that pushes us to be accepted, to be wanted and it crushes us when we are denied this attention, especially when the attention seemed so promising. 

    I had recently acquired a pen pal, who seemed quite friendly and “down to earth”, eagerly answering my messages and providing exciting topics. He was easy to talk to about my interests and shared me his. I became excited to receive messages from this boy I began to think of as friend (of course nothing more as I am happily in a relationship with a wonderful man) and would become disappointed if such messages took too long to make their way to my inbox. Then one night I received a message asking me to befriend him on Facebook, of course I was jollied at the request and immediately replied with my facebook address. Perhaps I disgusted him with my below average looks or the fact that I am in a relationship never completely registered, perhaps he bolted when he realized I am a christian, a topic that never came up, whatever the issue he immediately blocked me and refused to answer any further messages. I became immediately depressed, that bullet of rejection tore through me and shattered as it hit my vitals. I had come under the impression that this New Jersey boy was a laidback type of bloke who befriended someone by their disposition, not by external reasons. Once the realization hit me that I had been rejected again by someone I considered a friend I was sent into a whirlwind of emotions that were relentless once combined with my frustrations with life from background situations. I became angry with myself for putting so much faith in a friendship, I began to look at myself with disgust when I peeped in the mirror, most of all I was confused; what had I done that created such a response that he promptly blocked me from all contact? I take friendship seriously- When I extend my hand I do not take nicely to being slapped after it’s been shaken. 

Perhaps I’ll never learn why the events unraveled as they did but it won’t stop me from being the friendly person I am. Just because someone brings you down whether intentional or unintentional don’t wait there for too long, you ARE a beautiful person, which makes you such an easy target. Be yourself, fling open your wings and fly while you are on this earth to do so. Never wait until you are told you are good enough, never wait for permission to be you, that’s the beauty of life.
  

The scariest feeling is feeling hopeless.
I’m scared. 

“We always feel more romantic about suffering when we’re not doing it.”

Beth Moore 

I’m stuck in this tangled web,
the black widow waits.
I accept my fate
as does the spider.  

The knowledge that makes me rejoice
Teaches me to praise each day at sunset
And my host at dawn, and not to respond
To each and every fool that I meet,
Nor to gape at the stupid.

Marcebru, Twelfth Century troubadour